I am happy to report that I made it to May in one piece. I did find an Occupational Therapy office that takes our insurance. They are working to find Jeremy an appointment for an evaluation. We are headed to see his psychotherapist tomorrow, so I'm hopeful that we can get some answers from her as well.
We went to an AWANA awards night tonight and were the "spectacle" family. If you've ever regularly attended a house of worship, I think you know what I'm talking about. It's the family that most resembles a three-ring circus. Usually one of the children is on the floor, another could be racing about the sanctuary and yet another could be doing both at the same time.
Poor Bekah decided to join another family and I found her, after wrangling my two boys, sitting quietly (I think honestly not wishing to be seen or associated with us) with another dad, his daughter and an AWANA leader. She walked right in and immediately joined in the worship, standing right in the front row. I bounced Doug around, trying not to let him play with the knobs controlling the ceiling fans in the sanctuary.
Doug was fine as long as I was singing and bouncing him. After the music ended, it was a different story. He kept rushing the stage and so I looked like a fool running after him (repeatedly). Meanwhile, Jeremy and Brian were nowhere to be found. I discovered later than when we walked in and there was music playing, Jeremy balked and walked right back outside. Brian was able to have compassion for the guy because we do feel as if there is a sensory issue present. Luckily, in the chaos of me trying to find Brian and Jeremy, Bekah found someone else to sit with.
We spent the rest of the time trying to keep Doug occupied, Jeremy sitting on his butt and everyone relatively quiet. It was interesting, to say the least. (And Jeremy was incredibly flatulent through the entire program. I stopped making him excuse himself because it was happening so regularly.)
What a mess. We enjoyed some ice cream afterwards and then tried to make a quick and stealthy exit. I will say we mostly succeeded, which is quite a feat in and of itself.
Now everyone is asleep (they wore themselves out performing in the circus) and I'm wide awake.
I made a decision last Friday and am getting ready to take the next right step. I'm a bit terrified and so my anxiety is too high to allow sleep to happen.
I am going into business for myself. I have searched high and wide for a home-based business that really fit me. I considered Tupperware, Pampered Chef, Scentsy, Thirty-One and Arbonne. I have nothing against any of those companies. I know several women who are or have been consultants for all of those businesses. I think they all have a model of business that works well in generating income for the seller and adding value for the buyer. Even more, I know that some of those companies are really socially responsible both in how they manufacture their goods and in how they help the environment.
The problem was, I couldn't get passionate about selling any of those things. I know that each company has a different quota, compensation structure, awards structure, etc. The idea of making $20K a year seems great, but honestly I have a 5, 4 and 1 year old. I may have 20 hours a week to market myself but honestly, I want to spend as many of those as possible catching some sleep.
I also don't want to be the friend whose calls you avoid, or the friend whose every Facebook status update is about placing an order for product. I have some natural sales abilities but the hard-sell is not my style. I don't want to lose friends and alienate people just to make a buck.
In the end, I knew if I was going to sell something it had to be something about which I was passionate, something I used regularly and something that actually adds value to people's lives. I spent a lot of time agonizing over two companies. I met with two women separately to pick apart the different company's business plans, compensation models, awards structure, start-up costs, etc.
The first person I met with was great. She has a lot of enthusiasm for her company. It's a great company that makes awesome products, I'm not going to lie. The products are consumables which is great from a commission standpoint. It's a company that's been around for 30 years, they have a great track record both here and abroad, everything is legit and above board. If I worked hard enough, I could end up driving a Mercedes. Like most home-based businesses, this one encourages you to "bring other people on board." That increases your commission and earning potential.
I still can't say I found any flaws in this company. I honestly do believe in the products and would love to work with this friend. But I spent the week after meeting with her in complete anxiety. Well, to be truthfrul I vacillated between imagining myself driving a Mercedes and imagining myself becoming persona non grata at all future human gatherings.
Then I met with my friend Kim. I met her in October when she was demonstrating the Nutrimill Multi-Grain Grinder and Bosch Mixer. She used the mill to turn wheat berries into wheat flour, baked a batch of (true) whole-wheat bread and I was hooked. Not too long after, I had her over to my home to do a demonstration. I have been making our bread products from scratch since late November. Twice a week I make 5 loaves of bread (sometimes 4 loaves and a pizza crust) from scratch. I have gotten fairly proficient at it and I can usually be done in an hour and a half.
When I met Kim, the company she worked for was not set up to have a sales force in the way Tupperware or Arbonne is. There were a few women around the country (mostly in their fifties) who had owned and been selling machines, but there was not an infrastructure for a full-fledged sales force. Between then and now, though, I remembered seeing a post from Kim that they were now looking to add salespeople.
So I met with her. Through the whole process, I prayed like crazy. I've experienced enough to know that if I take one step outside of what God's will is for me, I'm going to fall flat on my face. I asked for wisdom and discernment as I met with my other friend and Kim. I tried to look past the Mercedes of it all and make an honest evaluation of myself, my abilities and my capabilities.
I walked away from my meeting with Kim knowing I should be selling mixers and mills. She is so laid-back and this program is so laid-back. The quota is low enough that I'd have to basically not be breathing to not make it. I have to sell one mixer and one mill a year and bam! I've made my quota. She has four kids, a little older than mine but still in grade school. She is not interested in living and breathing her business. She doesn't have a crazy marketing plan, isn't hard-driving or overbearing. She's been a quiet, positive force in my life over the past several months. I have given her the opportunity to sell me expensive equipment and she has steered me to the right purchase, not the most expensive one. All of this appeals to me. I want to bring in extra income but not to the detriment of my family. I don't want to be spending every night away from home and I don't want to neglect other obligations in order to chase money.
I left her house feeling peace and being excited about the possibility of it all.
At the same time, I am human and have spent the last week alternately plagued by anxiety and arrogance. One minute, I'm going to be the company's top seller ever. I was wide awake at 330 AM on Saturday morning, making a business plan for myself and trying to identify potential buyers. Tonight, I'm wide awake because I don't think anyone is going to want to invite me into their home. I can't imagine that anyone is going to want to listen to what I have to say. I'm convinced that I am going to become persona non grata among all humans because I'll talk too much about it.
Ah, to live in the gray. It would be lovely to live in a place where I just live in the now. I haven't even officially launched my business yet (the paperwork is lying on my nightstand--I am stressed because I have to name it something and I'm afraid I'm going to pick something awful). I should be concerned with completing the paperwork and submitting it. Once that's done, I need to be concerned with following the steps in the business kit they're going to send me. After that, I need to pray and then be bold enough to ask people to invite me into their home. And so on and so forth....
I learned a long time ago about doing the next right thing, about not projecting, about not obsessing about the future. It's been reinforced in so many ways, and yet I'm still putting the cart before the horse. I need to put on blinders, grab God's hand and just start walking. He's yet to lead me wrong and I don't think He's about to start.
