Christmas on my Mind

I believe this will be the first Christmas we have where we write to Santa. This has been weighing heavily on me for several reasons.

First, Brian and I decided a few Christmases ago that we were going to limit gift-giving. Part of it was we had very limited resources; part of it was that we didn't want our kids opening so many presents on Christmas morning that they couldn't be grateful.

I came up with the idea of giving 3 gifts per child. It's kind of an arbitrary number, but I talked with other moms about what they did for their families. Universally, I've met no mother who says "my kids need more toys." Most will admit they could go for several years without receiving any more toys. We also all agree that grandma and grandpa are the perpetrators of giving the toys.

It's not that I want to squeeze the fun out of Christmas, don't get me wrong. I know my kids enjoy playing with toys. I know they like opening gifts. I know my parents (and other family members) enjoy giving gifts to my kids. It's not that I'm a Grinch, it's that I'm a realist. Kids can only play with so many toys. A couple of years ago, I conducted an experiment. I got tired of picking up and putting together every single puzzle my son owned every night. I was tired of every musical instrument being on the floor every day.

So I packed up a majority of my kids toys, put them in themed boxes (cars/trucks, musical instruments, puzzles, etc.) and put those boxes on the dining room table. If the kids wanted to play with those specific toys, they would need to pick up any other toys that weren't put away. Here's what I found. Largely, my kids have not missed the boxed-up toys. Bekah will ask for musical instruments every so often. I take the box down, she plays with them for a day, I box them back up (with her help) and we put them away.

There are still plenty of toys left in the house for them to play with, but the other toys are now more distinguishable. I think what happens is that the kids start to see toys as noise. They see a huge pile of toys as an indeterminate mass of stuff. I think it overwhelms them and they decide, on the whole, that it is really more fun to play with my plastic storage containers, sticks, rocks and other random flotsam from around the house.

I am a part of McHenry County Mothers & More. Twice a year, we host a resale. This past month, I took 5 toys (on the bigger side) to sell. The kids have not asked about where the toys are, what happened to them, etc. The toy room (although admittedly the entire house is the toy room) is less cluttered, I'm not hurting my feet on as many things and they have more room to play with other toys.

My parents have finally acquiesced to my repeated requests to not purchase toys for Christmas. I believe they will be purchasing a few, small toys, but on the whole they are going to give us cash. This is great because then I can use those funds for classes and other activities that happen outside the house and that expend energy. In the final analysis, I think that's what the kids remember.

Second, we have decided to pare down the gifts because we want to step out of the stream of consumerism. Last year our pastors encouraged us to be more conscious about how much we spend on Christmas. They challenged us, instead, to use the money we would spend on Christmas for other charitable giving.

We took that talk even further by sitting down with the kids in the toy room and asking them to give some of their toys to kids who had none. They were able to give up about 7 toys. This hasn't been a one-time thing, either. I probably ask them about every month what we can give away. They generally come up with 1 or 2 things we can take to Savers.

So the reason I'm worried about Santa this year is that Brian and I are going to have to stand by our convictions. We are going to have to make sure the kids understand that, in our house, Santa will only be bringing 3 gifts each. When we craft a letter to Santa, I don't want to be including the Toys R Us wish list book. I want to make sure they are thoughtful about what they ask him for. I also want them to be aware that Santa (in our house) won't always give them everything they want. I asked him for years for a pony and, alas, he never caved. (Nevermind that I couldn't even pick up my dog's poop in the backyard.)

It's tough, I think, to strike that balance. I want them to be excited for Christmas for the reasons we really celebrate the season. Even if we're wrong, we celebrate Christ's birth at Christmas (I understand that, according to some historians he was actually born in the spring and others believe that Christmas should really be called Saturnalia). That's what the focus should be; meeting the needs of others rather than getting everything we want. It's an important lesson, I think, and one that not everyone gets. I want my kids to know that we love them not because of how many gifts they unwrap, but by how much empty room in our house can be filled with love.