My brother and I were not kind or compassionate to each other when we were growing up. I will admit that I was especially evil to him. We grew up when Nintendo came out and we both loved playing Super Mario Bros. My favorite type of torture was to tell him that he was still invincible even after the "Star Power" wore off. God bless his heart, he believed me so many times (and lost a life so many times). It was horrible but I loved it.
We also had a lot of physical altercations. They would start off innocently enough and then escalate into full-blown MMA matches. It was brutal to witness, really, and there were plenty of physical marks left on both of us to tell the tell. I am the older sibling but Matt ended up taller than me. He even went so far to get his black belt (second degree) in karate. I no longer see a need to try and beat him up.
I grew up convinced that my parents had favorites. I've never asked them, parent to parent, if this was true or not. I know that I really was a daddy's girl and Matt was a momma's boy. Our family kind of naturally split along those lines. It has always been a blessing and a curse, honestly. I still struggle with feeling like my parents favor my brother more (I wish it weren't true). I feel at times that I'm the black sheep of my family; I'm the only one without a college degree, I don't work outside the home, I don't earn my own money.
All of this contributed to my decision not to play favorites with my own children. I don't know how it happened, but I really don't have a favorite. There's not anyone who has more of a special place in my heart than another. I do my best to split myself equally (even though that's pretty much impossible) amongst my kids. I don't dread hanging out with any of my kids and I don't have one that drives me crazier than another. In fact, on most days they all drive me equally crazy (but in different ways).
Now, that being said, there is some rivalry among my kids. It's interesting to see it develop because it manifests itself differently with each child. First, there's Jeremy. Being that he's the oldest he can dominate everyone physically. Just tonight he knocked Doug over because Doug was carrying a bag of mittens, hats and scarves around. I'm not sure why he did it; neither I nor Brian asked him to take the bag away from Doug.
Jeremy manhandles his sister, also. He lost iPad priviliges for two days because he scratched her. Why did he scratch her? Because she wasn't putting her clothes on. He threatens her with punishments from me, he knocks her down if she gets in his way and in many respects they are training to start a whole new club of MMA fighters.
Bekah can't match Jeremy with strength and so she fights him with words. It's actually been going on for some time and it's hilarious. I remember a few years ago, we were on our way to Lutheran General to see Jeremy's cardiologist and electrophysiologist. Both were riding in the van with me. Jeremy asked Bekah if she wanted to go with him to see his doctors. Bekah took her fingers out of her mouth and said, "no," then put them right back in.
It had the desired effect on Jeremy; it threw him into an emotional tailspin. He started crying and telling me that his sister wasn't going to come with him. I tried to inject logic into the situation by pointing out that both of them were in a vehicle that was going to the same place. How could she not go with him, I tried to ask him? But it was no use. He was devestated.
She now tells him, when she's angry, that he's not her brother anymore. She tells him that she doesn't want to play with him. She will simply walk away from him when she knows he wants to talk to her. She reminds him of punishments he's received from myself or Brian. She reminds him of past mistakes he's made. In all respects, she uses her verbal mastery to beat him up in a way her fists never could.
And then there's Doug. So far, he can't match anyone physically or verbally. He does his best to fight against his sister (who insists on trying to hold him and pick him up, even when he doesn't want her to). He tries to be physically close with his big brother. You can see in his eyes how proud he is when Jeremy deigns to talk to him or include him in his play. He does get upset if I spend too much time holding either Bekah or Jeremy. Lately he's taken to coming over to me and trying to push the other sibling off of my lap.
We keep warning Jeremy about Doug. We try to tell him that the time will come when Doug might be bigger than Jeremy. We remind Jeremy that Doug will have Bekah to share all of Jeremy's trangressions against Doug. So far, it's falling on deaf ears. I am going to have to have my camera available for the first brother-on-brother fight. I'm sure it's going to be epic.
In the end, I do my best to tell all of my kids how much I love them. I do not love them according to a hierarchy, but I do love different things about each of them. So far, I've not been accused of having favorites. I try to employ another trick my mom taught me. Rather than saying they're my favorite son or daughter, I say they're my favorite Jeremy, Bekah and Doug. They really are, and then I'm not showing favorites; I'm simply making a statement of fact.
We'll see how all of that holds up over the next few years. My guess is not well, but I'm going to hope for the best.
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