Just a quick post. I left after getting home from Father's Day dinner to see Man of Steel. Excellent movie, I highly recommend it.
I have been feeling so lonely lately. I know this is quite ridiculous, seeing as I am married to a wonderful man and have three lovely kids. It seems to boggle the mind. But really I've been feeling like I can't give and get enough hugs lately.
Yesterday and today I napped with Doug. I never, ever nap with my kids. I've always had a strict, "you-must-nap-in-your-crib" rule. I can't even remember why I napped with him yesterday, but today I did it because he was so upset. Jeremy and Bekah were headed out to swim in our pool. He saw what was happening and when Brian prevented him from joining them, started to throw a fit.
He has been working with a great speech therapist and we are going to work toward getting him an OT evaluation. He is displaying some of the same behaviors as his big brother. It's tough for him, I think, because he doesn't have very many words. Honestly, very few words. He gets frustrated and bites and hits me. He's also started hitting his brother and sister. (I can honestly forgive the latter because they can be pretty awful to him.)
So when I saw how frustrated he was not being able to join his brother and sister, I carried him upstairs. Mind you, he was kicking and screaming and completely unhappy.
Then we crawled into bed together. He wasn't happy that I didn't allow him to roam free on the bed or in my room. But he quickly realized mommy is a bit stronger and then just started settling down. I never see him fall asleep, so I have never witnessed what happens. It's the cutest thing. He plays with my hair, his hair, points at the fan and babbles to his hands.
Lying next to him, I felt less lonely. I felt connected to someone in an emotional way. I woke up a couple of hours later, before him, feeling overheated. He is quite the little furnace. I now understand why he sleeps without blankets and will never again worry that he is not warm enough at night.
It is blissful to nap with a little person. I remember when the kids were babies and fell asleep on me. There is literally nothing more peaceful than having a tiny human's weight on your chest. There's no better feeling in the world. Sleeping next to Doug had the same effect. I woke up feeling refreshed physically and emotionally.
I can't say I will nap with him every day, but this was pretty good therapy for me. The cheapest I've had in a long time.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Caught Looking
I spend most of my time paying attention to Doug and Jeremy. Between keeping track of them physically, keeping track of their therapy appointments and managing their outbursts, they are on my mind most of the time.
Bekah, however, doesn't require a lot of my time. Lately, I've had to keep more of an eye on her. She has started insisting that she is big and strong enough to carry Doug around. The phrase I say most at my house is "Bekah, put your brother down. Rebekah! Put him down!"
Bekah has one appointment to remember--dance class. We started last year at Summers Academy in Crystal Lake. Her class is named Baby Starrs. They spend the sessions learning tap, jazz and ballet. It's an hour and she loves it.
Her first recital was last year. She did a jazz routine to the song "Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch." It was a jazz routine. By recital time, even I knew the routine. She asked me all the time to play the song for her. She practiced all the time. It was adorable, to have her do the routine at my parent's house, at our house, at the park.
We were all excited about it, but I think Brian was the most excited. He loves having a daughter and absolutely treats her like the princess that she is. For him, the dance recital was the pinnacle of being the daddy with a daughter. He was looking forward to the pink costume, to the flowers, to the frivolity.
And then tragedy struck. His Uncle Rick passed away suddenly. He had been unwell for a while, but we weren't expecting him to pass. Uncle Rick was like a father to Brian. Stacey, Brian's cousin, asked Brian to be a pallbearer. So he made the trek to Michigan to pay his final respects to Rick. He was happy to be present for that event, but he was devastated to miss Bekah's dance recital.
It threw us all for a loop, him not being here. I was able to take Bekah to her friend's house. She was also in the recital and so we got the girls ready together. The lights went down in the auditorium and when Bekah and her classmates came onstage, there were oohs and aahs from everyone in the crowd.
She did great, although there was a spot in the routine where she got distracted by the lights on the back of the stage. It was so cute, though, to see her taking in the whole stage. She was darling and everyone clapped and it was a great time.
This year was a bit different. Bekah only had one other classmate. Actually, for a while there were two other girls but by the beginning of this year it was just Bekah and Bella. They were in the same class at their preschool as well. Bella's mom and I got a chance to know each other better. It was really quite nice to have have semi-private lessons for both the girls.
This year was different in other ways. Kym, the girls' teacher, decided that this year's routine would be a tap routine to the tune "New York, New York." Bekah, who is usually unflappable in dance class, spent a few dance classes being ornery and emotional. I didn't know (and still don't) what was going on. I did my best to console her. We even left early from class one day.
She never asked for me to play her music, to practice, to do the routine in front of anyone. She seemed distracted in class and seemed to struggle to remember her routine.
There was a lot of excitement about her recital this year, but honestly I was worried too. They hold the recital at the Raue Theater in Crystal Lake. It's an actual theater, with a big stage and everything. It's intimidating for me and I've never even performed on a stage before.
Dress rehearsal was a few days ago and they were able to run through the routine a few times. Bekah seemed okay but distracted. I get choked up when I see her go through the routine. I am amazed that at 4 years old she can learn and remember the moves to an entire routine. We're not talking a complicated routine, but still!
Kym kept telling the girls, just keep dancing. Even during class she would tell them to just keep dancing--if they forgot the moves they should just keep moving. The girls did so with varying results. Usually they just looked like deer frozen in the headlights.
Leading up to her recital, I took her to the Cosmetology school in town to get her hair and makeup done. I had muddled through for dress rehearsal, but I wanted her to look professional. After she was done, I sent her to my parent's house so she wouldn't get mussed fighting with her brother. I had to drive Doug to my friend Lisa's house. She had volunteered to watch Doug so we wouldn't have to pay for a ticket for him.
We had talked to Jeremy about the recital. He knew that he was going to have to at least see Bekah. We promised him that after Bekah performed he could leave and play on the iPad. He at first wasn't keen on it at all but grew to be okay with it. We traded Bekah for Jeremy and went to take her to the recital.
We got our programs and found out that she wasn't performing until close to intermission. We weren't sure how Jeremy was going to act but honestly, he was a champ. He did exclaim rather loudly at one point that he thought everyone was going to be bad. It was pretty funny. He kept looking for her to come out on stage. I had butterflies for her; I'm not sure how she felt because I had to leave her backstage with the teachers and other dancers.
And then the time came. Out walked Kym, in the darkness, leading Bekah and Bella to their spots. The lights came up and the music started playing. Bella froze (I found out later she was frustrated by her gloves. They had feathers on them and she was really bothered by them), but Bekah danced.
She was amazing.
She remembered a lot of the dance and what she didn't remember she improvised. The crowd responded by applauding wildly for her. It was one of the best moments parenting Bekah. Ever. She tried, at the appropriate point in the routine, to get Bella to do a kick line with her. Bella couldn't be convinced, so Bekah soldiered on by herself.
She absolutely killed it. I was laughing and crying and clapping and hugging Brian and generally just soaking in one of the happiest moments of my life. Everyone around us was complimenting her. It was so wild to witness this moment in her life. She was unflappable. There was a moment in the routine when I could tell she had forgotten the moves. I don't think anyone else in the room noticed, but she stopped and looked down at her shoes. I knew, then, that she had forgotten what came next. She could have run off the stage but she didn't. She added in a few repeated steps until she could remember what came next. It was unbelievable.
I could barely stay in my seat after that and I still had the rest of the recital to sit through. I sent Brian and Jeremy off after the intermission. They had to go retrieve Doug and get him to bed. I went to visit the ladies' room and I had to stop myself from telling everyone that the little girl who stole the show was my daughter. I wasn't claiming the glory. I simply wanted people to know how proud I was of her.
That wasn't even the coolest part.
Nope, that happened at the end of the show. After the finale everyone came out and took a final bow--all of the classes, one by one, paraded out and took a bow. When Bekah and Bella came out, the applause was thunderous. It was bigger applause than any other class had received. I was a crazy mess, clapping and crying and shouting. I couldn't wait to go retrieve her.
And then, I got her. I immediately told her how proud I was of her. She had been most excited about getting flowers after the show. She's actually been practicing receiving flowers. She's been putting on piano recitals (really, plunking at the keys and singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star loudly and off-key) at my parent's house. After she's done, she asks that we throw a fake rose at her when she's taking a bow.
Understandably, she was even more aware of and excited for flowers after her actual recital. Brian and I bought her some roses and my parents bought her a big bouquet as well. Weighted down by her bouquets, we started making our way out of the theater. No less than 10 people stopped her to tell her what a great job she did. She smiled and handled it like a pro. I had her say "thank you," but she was too busy beaming from ear to ear.
It didn't stop there. She asked that I take her picture with her flowers, so I did. We walked outside and I took more pictures. We walked to my parent's car and while we were driving home we chatted. She wanted to know why I wasn't sitting in front of her while she danced. I explained to her that I wasn't in the front row but I was in front of her. I told her that I clapped so loud for her, that I was shouting and crying and so proud of her.
I'm crying now, thinking about it. I was giddy for a long time last night. I couldn't stop smiling and loving on her. I gave her a big hug and Jeremy managed to snap a picture of it on my phone. It's an awesome picture because not only was I hugging her but she was clinging to me. It was better than the dancing, better than the applause. It was a girl and her momma loving each other.
I can't take credit for any of it. I was never a performer, I never had "grease paint in my veins," as my dad so aptly put it. This is something I don't understand but I completely respect. I am happy to be able to facilitate the development of this wonderful talent. I am happy to drive her to dance class and get her hair and makeup done. I am happy to help but I can't take any credit. All I can do is cry and clap and act like a fool.
Luckily, it seems like I'm really good at that.
Bekah, however, doesn't require a lot of my time. Lately, I've had to keep more of an eye on her. She has started insisting that she is big and strong enough to carry Doug around. The phrase I say most at my house is "Bekah, put your brother down. Rebekah! Put him down!"
Bekah has one appointment to remember--dance class. We started last year at Summers Academy in Crystal Lake. Her class is named Baby Starrs. They spend the sessions learning tap, jazz and ballet. It's an hour and she loves it.
Her first recital was last year. She did a jazz routine to the song "Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch." It was a jazz routine. By recital time, even I knew the routine. She asked me all the time to play the song for her. She practiced all the time. It was adorable, to have her do the routine at my parent's house, at our house, at the park.
We were all excited about it, but I think Brian was the most excited. He loves having a daughter and absolutely treats her like the princess that she is. For him, the dance recital was the pinnacle of being the daddy with a daughter. He was looking forward to the pink costume, to the flowers, to the frivolity.
And then tragedy struck. His Uncle Rick passed away suddenly. He had been unwell for a while, but we weren't expecting him to pass. Uncle Rick was like a father to Brian. Stacey, Brian's cousin, asked Brian to be a pallbearer. So he made the trek to Michigan to pay his final respects to Rick. He was happy to be present for that event, but he was devastated to miss Bekah's dance recital.
It threw us all for a loop, him not being here. I was able to take Bekah to her friend's house. She was also in the recital and so we got the girls ready together. The lights went down in the auditorium and when Bekah and her classmates came onstage, there were oohs and aahs from everyone in the crowd.
She did great, although there was a spot in the routine where she got distracted by the lights on the back of the stage. It was so cute, though, to see her taking in the whole stage. She was darling and everyone clapped and it was a great time.
This year was a bit different. Bekah only had one other classmate. Actually, for a while there were two other girls but by the beginning of this year it was just Bekah and Bella. They were in the same class at their preschool as well. Bella's mom and I got a chance to know each other better. It was really quite nice to have have semi-private lessons for both the girls.
This year was different in other ways. Kym, the girls' teacher, decided that this year's routine would be a tap routine to the tune "New York, New York." Bekah, who is usually unflappable in dance class, spent a few dance classes being ornery and emotional. I didn't know (and still don't) what was going on. I did my best to console her. We even left early from class one day.
She never asked for me to play her music, to practice, to do the routine in front of anyone. She seemed distracted in class and seemed to struggle to remember her routine.
There was a lot of excitement about her recital this year, but honestly I was worried too. They hold the recital at the Raue Theater in Crystal Lake. It's an actual theater, with a big stage and everything. It's intimidating for me and I've never even performed on a stage before.
Dress rehearsal was a few days ago and they were able to run through the routine a few times. Bekah seemed okay but distracted. I get choked up when I see her go through the routine. I am amazed that at 4 years old she can learn and remember the moves to an entire routine. We're not talking a complicated routine, but still!
Kym kept telling the girls, just keep dancing. Even during class she would tell them to just keep dancing--if they forgot the moves they should just keep moving. The girls did so with varying results. Usually they just looked like deer frozen in the headlights.
Leading up to her recital, I took her to the Cosmetology school in town to get her hair and makeup done. I had muddled through for dress rehearsal, but I wanted her to look professional. After she was done, I sent her to my parent's house so she wouldn't get mussed fighting with her brother. I had to drive Doug to my friend Lisa's house. She had volunteered to watch Doug so we wouldn't have to pay for a ticket for him.
We had talked to Jeremy about the recital. He knew that he was going to have to at least see Bekah. We promised him that after Bekah performed he could leave and play on the iPad. He at first wasn't keen on it at all but grew to be okay with it. We traded Bekah for Jeremy and went to take her to the recital.
We got our programs and found out that she wasn't performing until close to intermission. We weren't sure how Jeremy was going to act but honestly, he was a champ. He did exclaim rather loudly at one point that he thought everyone was going to be bad. It was pretty funny. He kept looking for her to come out on stage. I had butterflies for her; I'm not sure how she felt because I had to leave her backstage with the teachers and other dancers.
And then the time came. Out walked Kym, in the darkness, leading Bekah and Bella to their spots. The lights came up and the music started playing. Bella froze (I found out later she was frustrated by her gloves. They had feathers on them and she was really bothered by them), but Bekah danced.
She was amazing.
She remembered a lot of the dance and what she didn't remember she improvised. The crowd responded by applauding wildly for her. It was one of the best moments parenting Bekah. Ever. She tried, at the appropriate point in the routine, to get Bella to do a kick line with her. Bella couldn't be convinced, so Bekah soldiered on by herself.
She absolutely killed it. I was laughing and crying and clapping and hugging Brian and generally just soaking in one of the happiest moments of my life. Everyone around us was complimenting her. It was so wild to witness this moment in her life. She was unflappable. There was a moment in the routine when I could tell she had forgotten the moves. I don't think anyone else in the room noticed, but she stopped and looked down at her shoes. I knew, then, that she had forgotten what came next. She could have run off the stage but she didn't. She added in a few repeated steps until she could remember what came next. It was unbelievable.
I could barely stay in my seat after that and I still had the rest of the recital to sit through. I sent Brian and Jeremy off after the intermission. They had to go retrieve Doug and get him to bed. I went to visit the ladies' room and I had to stop myself from telling everyone that the little girl who stole the show was my daughter. I wasn't claiming the glory. I simply wanted people to know how proud I was of her.
That wasn't even the coolest part.
Nope, that happened at the end of the show. After the finale everyone came out and took a final bow--all of the classes, one by one, paraded out and took a bow. When Bekah and Bella came out, the applause was thunderous. It was bigger applause than any other class had received. I was a crazy mess, clapping and crying and shouting. I couldn't wait to go retrieve her.
And then, I got her. I immediately told her how proud I was of her. She had been most excited about getting flowers after the show. She's actually been practicing receiving flowers. She's been putting on piano recitals (really, plunking at the keys and singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star loudly and off-key) at my parent's house. After she's done, she asks that we throw a fake rose at her when she's taking a bow.
Understandably, she was even more aware of and excited for flowers after her actual recital. Brian and I bought her some roses and my parents bought her a big bouquet as well. Weighted down by her bouquets, we started making our way out of the theater. No less than 10 people stopped her to tell her what a great job she did. She smiled and handled it like a pro. I had her say "thank you," but she was too busy beaming from ear to ear.
It didn't stop there. She asked that I take her picture with her flowers, so I did. We walked outside and I took more pictures. We walked to my parent's car and while we were driving home we chatted. She wanted to know why I wasn't sitting in front of her while she danced. I explained to her that I wasn't in the front row but I was in front of her. I told her that I clapped so loud for her, that I was shouting and crying and so proud of her.
I'm crying now, thinking about it. I was giddy for a long time last night. I couldn't stop smiling and loving on her. I gave her a big hug and Jeremy managed to snap a picture of it on my phone. It's an awesome picture because not only was I hugging her but she was clinging to me. It was better than the dancing, better than the applause. It was a girl and her momma loving each other.
I can't take credit for any of it. I was never a performer, I never had "grease paint in my veins," as my dad so aptly put it. This is something I don't understand but I completely respect. I am happy to be able to facilitate the development of this wonderful talent. I am happy to drive her to dance class and get her hair and makeup done. I am happy to help but I can't take any credit. All I can do is cry and clap and act like a fool.
Luckily, it seems like I'm really good at that.
Monday, June 10, 2013
A Day in the Life
Now that Jeremy has a formal diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), it's become even more interesting to be his mom. I mean to say, it's a good thing but it's also stretching me as a parent. I knew previously that his outbursts and quirks were part of who he is. I knew, underneath that stuff, he has always been a great little guy with a big heart. Now that I know what to call this collection of quirks and outbursts, it's changed things.
For example, we went to the Woodstock Farmer's Market this past Saturday. It's a beautiful Farmer's Market with a lot of different vendors and offerings. In addition, they play music in the square. The music was quite lovely and, in my perception, was not intrusive or loud. But I don't have SPD. We made a pass at the outer ring of vendors and then moved into the actual square (where the music was playing). I thought it would be nice to sit as a family and listen to the music.
Jeremy disagreed.
He let us know that the music was way too loud and he didn't like it. I'm not saying he used these words. In fact, what he did was make a run for the entrance/exit to the square. Before his diagnosis, Brian and I would have made an exasperated sigh, shouted after him and otherwise reacted emotionally. Now I understand that what is, to us, pleasant music is actually deafening to Jeremy. I know he lacks the ability to say, that music is too loud and I don't want to do that. His limbic system gets activated and it's fight or flight (or sometimes both).
So I can't react the same way. I have to make sure he's safe, but then I remind him what his behavioral therapist said, that he can't just run away from us. I let him know that it was okay that he didn't like the music but that he wasn't allowed to go running into the street. I accepted that he was physically uncomfortable with the music but didn't allow him to just take off and be unsafe.
Today, at OT/Speech Therapy, he fell and scraped his knee. It knocked a scab loose and started bleeding pretty heavy. The speech therapist let me know that he wouldn't let her put a band-aid on it. I am aware of his band-aid phobia. I used to spend the time arguing with him about why he needed to put one on. I still think he needed one. (He recently stubbed his toe and his toenail ended up bloody and ugly. I did, in that instance, wrestle him--with Brian's assistance--into a band-aid.) What did I do, though? Used some Kleenex to wipe away the blood. I tried to apply pressure to stop the bleeding but he started freaking out. Rather than getting myself worked up trying to get him to do what I think is right, I managed the symptoms (the blood running down his leg) and his reaction (it's okay to not want a band-aid, but I have to wipe off this blood).
I'm not allowing myself to get as exasperated anymore. That's not to say it isn't exasperating to not be able to put a band-aid on my son's wound. It's extremely exasperating. The problem is, I'm 35 and I've known him for almost 6 years. I am the adult. He just started therapy for a problem that just got diagnosed. I've known him to be like this for almost 6 years. I am wasting energy if I spend more than a couple of minutes arguing the efficacy of a band-aid with him. There is the way the world works and then there's the way it works in Jeremy's head. That's not going to change overnight, but what can change is how I react to it.
I wanted to cry about the band-aid thing. I know it seems like a small thing, wanting to patch up your child, but it's tough to see him suffering when he doesn't need to be. I know that band-aids aren't magical but it would have stopped the bleeding and it would have made his knee look not quite so scary. As it was, I had to explain to a few people why he had a bloody knee. He didn't care, by the way. It didn't bother him a bit.
I say it's stretching me because it's easier to just get exasperated and throw up my hands. It's easier to call him a bit crazy and just walk away. It takes effort to remind him about what he's learning, to brush him 3 times a day, to incorporate new strategies into our routine.
In the end, it's like all other change in my life. The catalyst was pain. I was so tired of not being able to understand what was going on with him. Now I'm starting to and I have to remember that it is going to get different. That's a good thing but it means I have to put in a little extra effort. I may have to go to bed a little sooner, spend more time interacting with him and less time leaving the TV on.
Honestly, though, he's totally worth it.
For example, we went to the Woodstock Farmer's Market this past Saturday. It's a beautiful Farmer's Market with a lot of different vendors and offerings. In addition, they play music in the square. The music was quite lovely and, in my perception, was not intrusive or loud. But I don't have SPD. We made a pass at the outer ring of vendors and then moved into the actual square (where the music was playing). I thought it would be nice to sit as a family and listen to the music.
Jeremy disagreed.
He let us know that the music was way too loud and he didn't like it. I'm not saying he used these words. In fact, what he did was make a run for the entrance/exit to the square. Before his diagnosis, Brian and I would have made an exasperated sigh, shouted after him and otherwise reacted emotionally. Now I understand that what is, to us, pleasant music is actually deafening to Jeremy. I know he lacks the ability to say, that music is too loud and I don't want to do that. His limbic system gets activated and it's fight or flight (or sometimes both).
So I can't react the same way. I have to make sure he's safe, but then I remind him what his behavioral therapist said, that he can't just run away from us. I let him know that it was okay that he didn't like the music but that he wasn't allowed to go running into the street. I accepted that he was physically uncomfortable with the music but didn't allow him to just take off and be unsafe.
Today, at OT/Speech Therapy, he fell and scraped his knee. It knocked a scab loose and started bleeding pretty heavy. The speech therapist let me know that he wouldn't let her put a band-aid on it. I am aware of his band-aid phobia. I used to spend the time arguing with him about why he needed to put one on. I still think he needed one. (He recently stubbed his toe and his toenail ended up bloody and ugly. I did, in that instance, wrestle him--with Brian's assistance--into a band-aid.) What did I do, though? Used some Kleenex to wipe away the blood. I tried to apply pressure to stop the bleeding but he started freaking out. Rather than getting myself worked up trying to get him to do what I think is right, I managed the symptoms (the blood running down his leg) and his reaction (it's okay to not want a band-aid, but I have to wipe off this blood).
I'm not allowing myself to get as exasperated anymore. That's not to say it isn't exasperating to not be able to put a band-aid on my son's wound. It's extremely exasperating. The problem is, I'm 35 and I've known him for almost 6 years. I am the adult. He just started therapy for a problem that just got diagnosed. I've known him to be like this for almost 6 years. I am wasting energy if I spend more than a couple of minutes arguing the efficacy of a band-aid with him. There is the way the world works and then there's the way it works in Jeremy's head. That's not going to change overnight, but what can change is how I react to it.
I wanted to cry about the band-aid thing. I know it seems like a small thing, wanting to patch up your child, but it's tough to see him suffering when he doesn't need to be. I know that band-aids aren't magical but it would have stopped the bleeding and it would have made his knee look not quite so scary. As it was, I had to explain to a few people why he had a bloody knee. He didn't care, by the way. It didn't bother him a bit.
I say it's stretching me because it's easier to just get exasperated and throw up my hands. It's easier to call him a bit crazy and just walk away. It takes effort to remind him about what he's learning, to brush him 3 times a day, to incorporate new strategies into our routine.
In the end, it's like all other change in my life. The catalyst was pain. I was so tired of not being able to understand what was going on with him. Now I'm starting to and I have to remember that it is going to get different. That's a good thing but it means I have to put in a little extra effort. I may have to go to bed a little sooner, spend more time interacting with him and less time leaving the TV on.
Honestly, though, he's totally worth it.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Lost Month
Greetings to the faithful readers I have! I didn't realize it's been a month since I last wrote. It's been a crazy month. We finally have a diagnosis for Jeremy-Sensory Processing Disorder. In a nutshell, he doesn't process the world in the same way those around him do. He has started occupational therapy and is still doing behavioral/cognitive therapy. We are not sure if he will need to be medicated, but so far he does not.
We just went to have his kindergarten evaluation. It was great for him to see his school, his (probable) classroom, his (probable) locker, etc. We were able to meet some of the staff and we ran into my dad. He is a resource teacher at the school where my kids will be attending. It's extremely reassuring and a huge blessing to have him there. He is Jeremy's anchor and I know for sure my kids will have an extra advocate in their corner.
We found out that we are receiving a waiver for the full-day kindergarten fees. This is a huge blessing and answer to prayer. District 47 (our district) just started full-day kindergarten. We know Jeremy will benefit from it because he loves the structure. I am no longer capable of providing enough structure for him at home. (We've only been on summer break for two weeks and it's wearing on him that we don't have a schedule. In turn, it wears on me.) The roadblock was the cost--$135 a month. We are in such a precarious financial position that it might have taken us over the edge. Now that we don't have to worry about that cost, we are able to breathe a sigh of relief.
I started a new business venture. I am a demonstrator for The Grain Pantry. I go into people's homes and bake for them. In doing so, I show them how easy it is to integrate whole grains into their family's diet. It's been revolutionary in our family's home, that's for sure. I've already sold some machines and have some more parties booked. I love it because it's really not about selling the machines, it's about educating people. I'm already out of my comfort zone and I've been doing this for less than a month. This is good because I am being stretched but it's bad because I'm being stretched. It's stressing me out a bit but I know that God has my back. I really feel led by Him to do this and so I know that He's going to take care of me. I'm just making sure to do the footwork.
I am down about 15 pounds since the beginning of the year. It is painful how slow it's going, but I am trying very hard to stick with it. This week, I have ramped up my cardio workouts. I'm trying to add a short workout into my morning and then also do a longer workout in the afternoon. So far, the kids have been mostly cooperative. The scale's not budging, but I know I'm doing the right things and sometimes it just takes time.
Summer hasn't been so kind to us lately! I was really hoping I could send the kids outside to play in the backyard more, but the weather hasn't been conducive. I am hopeful that it will start to warm up a bit and I will be able to let them out more. In the meantime, I am grateful that we won't have astronomical electric bills this year.
I am going to do better this month than last at sitting and writing. Between the stress of launching my business, dealing with Jeremy and my ongoing battle with depression, it's been tough to do more than just put one foot in front of the other. I'm feeling like this will help me process those things. Let's see if I can be consistent.
We just went to have his kindergarten evaluation. It was great for him to see his school, his (probable) classroom, his (probable) locker, etc. We were able to meet some of the staff and we ran into my dad. He is a resource teacher at the school where my kids will be attending. It's extremely reassuring and a huge blessing to have him there. He is Jeremy's anchor and I know for sure my kids will have an extra advocate in their corner.
We found out that we are receiving a waiver for the full-day kindergarten fees. This is a huge blessing and answer to prayer. District 47 (our district) just started full-day kindergarten. We know Jeremy will benefit from it because he loves the structure. I am no longer capable of providing enough structure for him at home. (We've only been on summer break for two weeks and it's wearing on him that we don't have a schedule. In turn, it wears on me.) The roadblock was the cost--$135 a month. We are in such a precarious financial position that it might have taken us over the edge. Now that we don't have to worry about that cost, we are able to breathe a sigh of relief.
I started a new business venture. I am a demonstrator for The Grain Pantry. I go into people's homes and bake for them. In doing so, I show them how easy it is to integrate whole grains into their family's diet. It's been revolutionary in our family's home, that's for sure. I've already sold some machines and have some more parties booked. I love it because it's really not about selling the machines, it's about educating people. I'm already out of my comfort zone and I've been doing this for less than a month. This is good because I am being stretched but it's bad because I'm being stretched. It's stressing me out a bit but I know that God has my back. I really feel led by Him to do this and so I know that He's going to take care of me. I'm just making sure to do the footwork.
I am down about 15 pounds since the beginning of the year. It is painful how slow it's going, but I am trying very hard to stick with it. This week, I have ramped up my cardio workouts. I'm trying to add a short workout into my morning and then also do a longer workout in the afternoon. So far, the kids have been mostly cooperative. The scale's not budging, but I know I'm doing the right things and sometimes it just takes time.
Summer hasn't been so kind to us lately! I was really hoping I could send the kids outside to play in the backyard more, but the weather hasn't been conducive. I am hopeful that it will start to warm up a bit and I will be able to let them out more. In the meantime, I am grateful that we won't have astronomical electric bills this year.
I am going to do better this month than last at sitting and writing. Between the stress of launching my business, dealing with Jeremy and my ongoing battle with depression, it's been tough to do more than just put one foot in front of the other. I'm feeling like this will help me process those things. Let's see if I can be consistent.
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