So very exhausted from a full day. I am feeling overwhelmed and anxious about so many things. I want to collapse into bed but I think I'll write a bit, just to keep the rhythm going.
Every day is not packed to the gills with activity. However, I have an issue with time management and scheduling. Therefore, the days that are packed are really, really packed. Today was such a day. Had another tough drop-off with Jeremy at school. It's become the new pattern. He's fine all the way to school, gives me, Bekah and Doug hugs and kisses, goes in the cafeteria to put his backpack and lunchbox down. I start walking away and he races out ahead of me, stops in front of the stroller and crosses his arms that he doesn't want me to leave.
It started last Monday and was, at the time, an isolated occurrence. My dad intervened that day and I walked away to the sound of Jeremy saying, "mommy....bekah...mommy...come back." Good times. It got better the next day and was better for the week. It started again this Monday and I thought maybe it was just about it being Monday. Unfortunately it's not but fortunately the school has great staff who have started intervening for me. It still is awful to walk away from him but now I'm not worried about his safety.
We raced home from that to go to preschool for Bekah, then back home for speech with Doug. I have decided to give up BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) this year so that Doug can have a morning appointment with his speech therapist. It got too difficult to amuse Bekah for the hour that Kathleen, his speech therapist, was there. We tried various approaches with Bekah and none worked well. It seems less painless for everyone to have speech when Bekah is in school and Doug is fresh.
I am incredibly bummed to give up BSF, but I figure it's just for this year and then I will have three kids in school on a regular basis. I still attend MOPS and church and for right now that's quite enough for me.
Meanwhile, we are still struggling a bit. My mom always told me I would either have money or time (usually not both). I am working at teaching people how to incorporate whole grains (not breakfast cereal whole grains but actual, real live whole grains) into their family's diet. I had hoped it would be a quick way to make money but it's turning out to take some time building my business, which is fine. Meanwhile, I make all of our bread and bread products. (Time, not money in this case.)
I've been bartering with my bread and also trying to figure out how to use the bread as a ministry. I really feel led by God to use it in a way that can bless people. I finally got plugged into a ministry where it will be put to good use, so I committed to making 10 loaves of bread. This is on top of our family's normal 5-loaf bread batch. That's 15 loaves of bread! Crazy business but again time, not money.
But this is where my time management and my ambition usually collide. I learned today that in the future it will be better if I make some bread on Tuesday and some on Wednesday. Trying to make essentially three batches of bread on an already crowded day was perhaps a bit nuts.
Meanwhile, I had to drop off the loaves at a friend's house, then take Jeremy to his occupational therapy appointment and then take Jeremy and Bekah to AWANA.
I got overwhelmed with all of it and so was driving madly home (while exercising extreme caution) so that I could put my running clothes on and hit the pavement. I had a pretty good run and still felt anxious and overwhelmed afterwards, but it was diminished. These kind of days dare me to pick something unhealthy up in an attempt to cope. It would be easy to pick up a bottle, fill a bowl up with ice cream or just space out to TV. The relief is temporary and ends up with more problems in the long run.
I've been trying to not do carbs after 2 PM. So far I've not done well but I am more conscious about what I'm putting in my body after 2 PM. To this point in my weight-loss journey, sometimes just having a conscious thought about what's going into my body is what I need to make those tough choices and stop the bad habits.
Okay, enough for today. I'm not sharing my day to brag--I'm sharing it to demonstrate how blessed I am to provide for my family even without working a traditional job. Today I followed Colossians 3:23-24--"whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not human masters, since you know you will receive an inheritance." I'm completely exhausted but I feel wonderful knowing I followed God's commandments.
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