After the Crisis

I'm sorry I've not written in a few days. My daughter, Bekah, can home from school on Friday with the stomach flu. We have spent the last day and a half in the hospital. She is fine and we are going home tomorrow. She was severely dehydrated but is otherwise okay. I am glad she's okay, as I am looking forward to eating real food again. 

My friends have been very generous with their time and resources. I have two friends visit me today, which was great. I have had an abundance of texts, emails, Facebook messages and Scrabble games, all of which have kept me busy and fed me emotionally. 

I am feeling much less frustrated/angry than I was last week. I am not completely at peace with everything, but I am not seething and/or foaming at the mouth, so there's that. 

Post-crisis mode can be a tricky thing, emotionally. It's good that things with Bekah are better. Doug also had the stomach flu, though it was not as virulent or long-lasting. Overall, though, the illnesses that seem to have our family in a vise-like grip are very isolating. We had plans for a Super Bowl party that have fallen through. Play dates have dried up. This happens and is understandable, but that doesn't mean it's not a little tough to take. 

I feel like I am able to hold it together during a crisis because I have to. I am mom. I can't be seen falling apart for fear it will make Bekah or others fall apart. I am not sleeping well-I wasn't sleeping well even before the hospital because I was sleeping on the couch with Bekah. I am not eating foods that are good for my body. I am not working out. Again, all understandable in the face of a crisis but not fantastic or edifying emotionally. 

I am fearful that this is not the last we will see of illness. I am fearful that all of this poor eating and sleeping will mean that I will be the next one under the weather. Then it's really over because I really can't get out and about. Some might say, don't worry about it. I'll counter with "I'm playing the odds."

Ugh. Just wishing we could skip ahead to spring. I don't care so much about the weather, though it would be nice to be able to send everyone outside for a bit. I'm more concerned with ending this non-stop illness. 

I don't feel like taking part in my normal activities for the rest of the week. It's a strange thing for me--isolation tends to beget more isolation. I don't want to be blamed for any illness people may contract from being in my presence. 

In other words, I'm the same stupid, neurotic person I was except more so. 

I am glad Bekah and Doug are well, I am glad we have Blue Cross Blue Shield back, I am glad we maxed out our FSA. Hopefully we will still have something leftover after this is paid for. 

I will be glad to (hopefully) sleep in my bed tomorrow night.