This American Life

The days of this week have whizzed by. I have been getting up early and then the next thing I know, it's time for dinner.

I started playing Harry Potter Wizards Unite (because if it wasn't clear already, I'm a nerd). I'm not obsessive, but I'm enjoying it. It's been getting me outside more, which is good. It's been helping my mood quite a bit. If you're so inclined and you want to add me, my name is NoelCharbonneau and my code is 0802 9601 2596.

I have had to shake my head this week, that this is my life.

My kids have kept me on my toes, to be sure. Jeremy has been doing coding camp at a place called Code Ninjas. I am excited for him because I feel like this could be a real thing for him. Brian has dropped him off the past couple of days. It seems like, at least in Brian's estimation, that every other kid in there is like Jeremy. He seems to be enjoying the class. He is developing an app, that's about the most information I can get from him. He's not a man for small talk, as he's so indelicately informed me on multiple occasions. I am fortunate for the small tidbits he lays out for me from time to time. Other than that, I usually get monosyllabic answers like, "fine," "nothing," "yes," "no."

He's in class from 1-4. It seems like a good amount of time, but it gets eaten up quickly.

11-1 is the time of day most in demand for dog walks. Even if a walk is only for a half an hour, with transport time to and from it can add up to an hour. (Add in side trips for Wizards Unite to recharge energy or complete challenges and it takes a wee bit longer.)

If I'm checking in on dogs, as I was for most of the week, then it becomes a whole thing. I start at 10:30 and it seems like I don't get home until 2. It's fantastic to be earning money. It also makes time go much faster than I'm used to it going.

In some ways, I focus myself more when I'm at home. I've imposed a schedule on my day. It's kind of a loose latticework. I'm trying to spend less time on my phone and more time building into the things that give me joy.

Mornings are for crochet. I've got a line of projects in front of me. I didn't get around to making end-of-the-year teacher gifts, so I'm working on them now. I mostly watch YouTube to learn new stitches. Right now, I'm toward the end of making my first shawl. I've gotten lots of compliments on it. (I will post a pic of it when I'm done with it, I'll include it in the comments section of an upcoming blog post.) But mornings are for crochet. I spend at least an hour working on my project. I'm planning on doing a couple more shawls, some dish cloths and then a blanket for a friend's daughter who's headed off to college in the fall.

Midday is dogs. It's fun, I get outside, I get exercise, I get to play Wizards Unite.

After I get home from that (and also from transporting whichever child from whichever activity), I start thinking about dinner. I normally try to be thinking about it sooner. This is the point of the day when I go into a dead panic about whether I have all the necessary ingredients. I'm realizing, as I write this, that I need to start meal planning again. We had been doing a meal delivery service, but we quit because too many of the meals weren't compliant with our personal food protocol. I need to sit down and actually write things down, make an inventory, make a shopping list. It's just that my head has been spinning so much lately, I've not been able to plan and execute things well.

Once dinner is set aside (even if I've not executed anything), then it's time for reading. I sit down for a little while (again, depending on the schedule) and try to move the bookmark a little further along.

Then, dinnertime. I try to prepare a meal while being peppered with questions in the world's most repetitive press conference. Most questions are centered on how soon dinner is going to be ready. There is also an equal smattering of dinosaur-related questions. Recently, Brookie has opened a line of questions relating to Halloween (because it's never too soon to prep for that holiday).

It's under this barrage that I attempt to create dinner. I've long abandoned trying to make nutritional meals. The kids get a rotation of chicken nuggets, frozen pepperoni pizza and hot dogs. I tend to make a separate track of food for Brian and myself, usually something big on taste, lots of veggies and protein, and plenty of healthy fats. I aim for leftovers because it makes less work for me.

Then, after I've managed to satiate my children's hunger (which, these days, seems nearly impossible), I make some decaf, have a serving of dark chocolate and write.

I don't know why the rhythm of the day is working so well, but there's something about it that has been helping tremendously. I get to the end of the night, and I can point to the things that I've accomplished. I'm still trying to work in Bible-reading time, but it's been about a week. I'm still ironing out the kinks.

But this life I'm living (I digressed from that train of thought). My kids are just amazing people. Bekah's passion for dance is extraordinary. Last week, the studio was closed. It was a well-deserved break for the instructors and staff. Bekah, however, floundered. She didn't quite know what to do with herself. Someone commented to me, after one of the shows for her recent recital, about how well Bekah had done. I thanked the person by saying, "thank you, she works so hard!" And the person responded, "oh, yeah. Everyone knows how hard Bekah works." It was that compliment (echoed by her instructors) that gave me pause.

She loves to dance and she wants to be the best, and she's willing to work as hard as she needs to. It is so much fun to watch her on stage. I cry almost every time I watch her. She is always a bundle of nerves leading up to the performance. It's a lot to manage, trying to help reassure her that we are going to be on time. She went to great lengths to help me keep the most recent round of rehearsals straight. I am a mess when it comes to scheduling, though I've been working extra hard to get everything lined up. (I actually have all the kids' activities in my Gmail calendar, imagine that!)

The other compliment that touched me is that Bekah is very kind and thoughtful with her fellow dancers. I love her work ethic, but I'm so grateful that she sets that aside to love on people. She has done an amazing job lately with Brookie. After dinner, when bedtime is looming and my patience is a thin piece of vellum dangling between me and lunacy, Bekah starts running interference. She has even, on occasion, gotten Brookie to sleep.

I don't like to take credit for Bekah because I've mostly just tried to get out of the way so God can work. It's the same with all the kids. Brookie came up to me today as I was cutting zucchini and said, "mommy, Bebba is crying. Can you come see her and hug her and tickle her?"

And maybe that's partly me, the compassion and caring. All the kids are good at cracking jokes to lighten the mood, which is maybe also me. But they are their own people. I could only dream about being as funny as Doug. He has a sense of timing that is second to none. Today, we went to the dollar store for some buckets. I told him he could pick something out. I was fairly certain it was going to be a dino, but he surprised me and got a shark. As we were walking away, he said, almost to himself, "yeah, this is perfect for my Jaws collection. It's a megalodon." (So it was dino-adjacent, I suppose.)

He also has been doing this thing lately where we will joke with him. He will laugh along, but then he will nervously ask, "you're just joking, right, mommy?" The boy calls me his best friend, which can only absolutely melt your heart. And all of it balances out the disasters he wreaks on our house, like the art on the wall and crashing the curtains off of my bedroom wall.

So this is where I'm at. I feel so grateful that I've been chosen for this. I had a conversation with a friend this morning about the times we say, "why, God?" And this morning, I was able to turn it around. "Why, God? Why didn't that happen to me? How did I get away with that? How wasn't I caught doing that?" I mean, it's really the truth. The people that have done things and been caught, I'm not better than them. I just haven't been caught. Not truly heinous things, but I mean, I've sidestepped some serious things. And I marvel that this is what God has given to me.

Things are not perfect in my life. I'm still waiting on some answers that I think I'm owed, though the reality is that they will come when it's God's perfect time.

So here I sit, watching TV, my girls snoring quietly on the couch next to me. And I'll be up again tomorrow, ready to do it all over again.