A Prolonged Absence

I never know how to explain an extended absence in my writing. I didn't intend for the past couple of months to get away from me. I had hoped that my discipline would outlast the stress of the holidays. 

Alas, for me the stress started before the holidays. I was consumed with a meeting I was going to run. It was promising to be stressful and it delivered on the promise. Once that was over, then the stress of the holidays kicked in. 

Typically, I am pretty over-the-top with the holidays. I haul everything out the day after Thanksgiving, deck out the house, play Christmas music at top volume and generally geek out. 

I didn't have the energy to do all of what I wanted to do. The one thing I did with gusto was bake. There is something therapeutic for me about baking. I baked dozens of cookies, participated in a cookie exchange and gave a bunch away to friends. 

I got a lot of compliments on my cookies and my cinnamon rolls. I did brisk business selling my cinnamon rolls, which was great for a little extra pocket money. 

Brian and I stopped exchanging gifts when our finances tooke a nosedive. I have always been okay with that arrangement. The kids get the gifts, from Santa, and that is a present enough for me. 

We were richly blessed by a church this year. We received numerous gift cards and toys for the kids. It meant we didn't have to spend any of our own money on gifts. I was blown away by this church's generosity. They never met us--we were connected with them through Options and Advocacy (the group that coordinates Doug's therapy). 

It was fun wrapping gifts and watching the kids open them. The mood was dampened by illness, though. Bekah, who never falls ill, came down with a fever that lasted almost a week. It made it tough to get the things done I had planned to get done. She wanted to be no further than 5 feet away from me. 

I tried to stay in the moment and shift my expectations, but the Titanic can't turn on a dime. It is tough to be that person for someone all the time. I wasn't always the best version of myself. 

And so here we are. I'm not one for resolutions but I do have plans for this year. I went to a cash-only/envelope system for my expenses. I hired a personal trainer. I have a goal to save $1K this year. There are other goals banging around in my head, but I feel like the ones I've laid out are enough for now. 

I am hopeful that my blog entries will be more consistent, but I'm going to show myself grace if they're not.