'Twas the Night Before Payday

There are nights that hold lots of promise and then there's the night before payday. Tonight, the night before payday, holds a lot of anxiety for my husband and myself. It's a new year and we have a new medical plan. This means good changes (in terms of coverage) and bad changes (in terms of take-home pay). 

We persist in hanging on by the thinnest of threads to our home. Brian carries the heavy burden of our home on his back everyday. It is tough to watch someone you love work so hard to provide for their family. It's even tougher when that person feels like driving back and forth from Northbrook every day is just spinning his wheels. 

Yes, I have implemented some major budget changes. I feel hopeful that this year is full of promise. I feel like I'm turning the page onto a new book, one that's full of hope and not destruction. We've almost been in our home for six years and we only really have enjoyed living here for a year and a half. The rest of the time we have fought and clawed to hold onto it. 

I've written many times about how just when it seemed darkest, something showed up and pulled us back from the brink. I generally feel good about the things that are happening but the night before payday, those feelings are dwarfed by anxiety, worry and despair. 

I am not sure what is going to happen or not happen in the next year. I hope that God continues to reveal Himself. I hope that my faith allows me to see Him in all situations. I hope that whatever happens my kids will also see God and come to understand Him better. 

I am a bit tired of writing about this topic. I hope that writing about it helps some of my readers know how to pray for us. Maybe it gives someone a shot in the arm to keep fighting. It has done that for me.