I started this blog almost three years ago. One of my first entries was about my journey to bariatric surgery. At the time, I weighed close to 300 pounds, felt lethargic and miserable, my clothes were all ill-fitting and I didn't care for myself very much. (XXXL t-shirts were just a bit big on me. By comparison, I am now swimming in XXXL, XXL is blousy on my and XL is within reaching distance.)
I considered bariatric surgery because I was told, by the surgeon, that people who were as overweight as I was were not capable of losing the weight on their own. I am impatient by nature, so there's that piece of it, but I also respected this man's opinion. I was feeling very low and really didn't believe that I was going to be able to shed a significant amount of weight. I felt like I had tried to do everything I could and it wasn't seeming to make much of a difference.
I checked with my insurance company at the time and they would not cover the surgery at all. I was devastated and felt so defeated. I was positive I was going to spend the rest of my life weighing close to 300 pounds.
I am not sure what made me decide to set aside what this doctor had said and really start making changes. In any case, I have lost about 60 pounds (about half of what I'd like to lose) in the past two and a half years. I have shaved minutes off of my mile per hour pace. I have gotten stronger, started to be weaned off medication, have lost body fat and inches and gone down by about 3-4 sizes.
It has been an arduous journey. It has not looked the way I wanted it to look. I have had to work harder than I thought I would have to work. One of the reasons it is taking so long, in my opinion, is that I have refused to adopt any revolutionary eating guidelines.
I quit drinking Diet Coke about 8 months after I started the blog. Last year, I switched from a plan of eating dessert every night to a plan of eating dessert twice a week. I used to do an hour of cardio at least 5-6 times a week. Now I do cardio 2-3 times a week (for about the same amount of time) and do strength training (with a trainer) 2 times a week. I used to weigh myself every week. Now I weigh myself every six weeks, under the watchful eyes of my trainer. She also takes my measurements every six weeks.
It's not been a straight path of weight loss, either. I have lost 60 pounds but there were periods of time where I gained a pound or two. I stopped weighing myself every week because it was causing a lot of emotional and mental turmoil.
I have been approached by a number of people offering to sell me nutritional supplements. All of these people are well-intentioned. They want to see me be successful, to lose the weight, to get healthier. Owing to my continued financial distress, I've not had the capability to purchase any of them. This has been tough because I want to see more results more quickly.
This last Saturday a friend of mine and I went clothes shopping. It has been a while since I have gone shopping for myself. I picked a doozy of a day to visit my favorite store, My Best Friend's Closet, a consignment shop in Algonquin. They were having a huge sale and the place was packed. Typically, I like to visit the store in the evening when there are few people there. It gives me an opportunity to browse at my own pace, have plenty of room to look around and spares me the shame of having to ask strangers for their opinion on my outfits.
I went into the trip hoping that I would have dropped another pants size. I am currently an 18 (I was a 22+ at the advent of this blog). Dropping to size 16 would mean I could start shopping at "normal" clothing stores, not stores like Lane Bryant and Catherine's. This would have meant a huge boost in confidence for me.
Alas, the problem is that I carry a lot of my weight in my midsection. It's almost always been the case. I know that it's a dangerous place to carry the weight. As Leslie Sansone says, the fat around our midsection is called visceral fat. It causes the organs to have to work harder and is a stressor on the body in general.
I am starting to see some definition in my midsection, thanks to my trainer and a lot of hard work. I know that I am headed in the right direction. I know that it's not a race (thank God, cause honestly, I hate to lose).
I hate to complain about my lack of progress cause that's not really it. I know that forward progress, however incremental, is still progress. I think I get frustrated because I had hoped I would be further along at this point in time. I know that I am laying a foundation that will hopefully prevent me from gaining this weight back. I have no desire to take this journey on again. I am teaching my kids important lessons about persistence, eating healthy, moving our bodies in a healthful way and making good choices.
All of this is good. I know I look drastically better than I did almost three years ago. I haven't picked Diet Coke back up again. (The funny thing is that I'm remembering that I had a dream just the other night where I was drinking Diet Coke.) I haven't gone down a size but I've also not gone up a size. I've saved a lot of money by not getting involved in any of these nutritional supplements. I've changed how our family eats. This is the first year (starting last summer) where we have eaten more fresh veggies than frozen. Frozen veggies are not bad, but fresh is almost always better.
I know that I have a long way to go and I am working at making some small shifts in how I eat. I am using My Fitness Pal pretty regularly, but I've realized lately that I'm not counting absolutely every calorie that I'm eating. At the same time, I've seen drastic changes over what I am eating. About 5 months ago, I had banana bread for the first time in a couple of years. I started to enter this into My Fitness Pal and realized that the last time I ate it, I had eaten 10 slices! 10! This time, I only ate 2 slices. Again, progress.
A couple of days ago I had to run out to get even more saltines for my stomach-flu infested family. I ended up getting an iced coffee and two sausage McMuffins from McDs. Not great choices, I realize, but keep in mind that I used to regularly consume 4 sausage biscuits in one sitting. (Progress, people.) What's more, I resisted the temptation to buy donuts and/or other sweets (something I felt completely justified in purchasing because of the prolonged stress I've been under at home.
I am not a saint by any stretch. I am not making perfect choices every day. I know, therefore, that I shouldn't be expecting perfect results every time I get on the scale or look in the mirror. The shifts I'm making in my current eating plan will hopefully positively impact both the numbers on the scale and my overall health.
I just saw my doctor not too long ago (not the surgeon I had seen a few years ago but my general practitioner) and he also suggested the bariatric surgery. It was a bit disheartening but a conversation with my trainer encouraged me not to put too much stock in what he said. I know that I'm doing the right things and that slow and steady wins the race.
Just ask the tortoise.
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