I am at my parents' house watching their dogs. I am getting ready to go to the library. Those of you who know me know that the library is close to being a house of worship for me. I have loved books and writing for a long time. It's something that brings me a lot of joy. There is something comforting in admitting to the librarian that I don't want to be without a book over a long weekend. Even more comforting? When she says she feels the same way.
My sophomore year English teacher, Mrs. Morrison, thought it was important that we learn the Latin and Greek roots for words. I mentioned in my last blog post that English can be a very limited language, but learning Greek and Latin cracks the language wide open.
For example, the word community comes from the Latin word "communis." It means "common, public, general." The root, comm, is the beginning of a lot of words that denote togetherness--think commune, community, committee.
I have been writing since before I was in high school. I had a great writing community in high school, but after I graduated I lost track with that group of people. I have never sought out a new community for plenty of reasons. Chief among them are fear and arrogance.
I'll start with fear. I am an outgoing person, there is no question. I am the one who greets new people, I am good at conversing with random people, I thrive on being in the middle of groups. It's what drives me.
The exception is that I don't like to walk into places where I know no one. It's a scary thing, to not know a single person in the room that I'm entering.
It seems crazy, I know. That's what's so lovely about me--I'm not always a foregone conclusion.
The other reason, arrogance, is a tougher one to overcome.
I was told in high school (and have been told by other people on several occasions) that I am an excellent writer. I'm not going to argue. I think I am a great writer and I don't mean that in a rude way. I think I've been given a great talent. I do my best to be a good steward of the talent. Blogging is a way I try to cultivate my talent. It's great because I don't have a lot of pretense when I blog. It ends up being close to a stream-of-consciousness. I rarely edit what I'm writing, I do my best to practice honesty and I have a lot of fun seeing how far my posts travel around the world.
I've been a lone wolf for far too long, though. I am still working on a novel (though not as much as I would like) and I will eventually need input and editing from other writers. I typically am snobbish when it comes to deciding whose input is important. It's a very short list and it's mostly the people I know from high school. The problem is that none of them has stayed frozen in high school mode. They have moved on and formed other communities.
It's up to me to do the same. So I am at my parents' house, but I am headed to the library soon. There is a poetry contest being sponsored by the Crystal Lake Public Library. They sponsor it every year--this is the first year that I will be participating.
I am terrified. I have to walk into a room full of strangers. I have debated skipping the kick-off all together, but there is a part of me that wants to size up the competition. (Thanks, arrogance! I see what you did there.) I am hoping that this can be a baby step toward finding and building a new community with writers. The point is that I have to be *with* them in order for that to happen.
I am not sure what my poem will be about. I'd like to think I have a good chance of winning, but then who knows how the judges will feel about what I write.
My fear is trying to convince me to stay here, with a puppy on my arm, listening to the Juno soundtrack. I am more comfortable here but nothing great ever started with, "so I was sitting at my computer one day...."
So I've got to do this. I've got to suck it up. I've got to take the next right action and then the one after that, until I've gotten to a place where I'm squirming a little bit. That's where you'll find me, in case you want to look.
Wish me luck.
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