I'm So Tired.

I feel like I have been going nonstop for two weeks. Saturday was the pinnacle of this busyness--I spent almost all day shuttling one or two or more children from activity to activity. It was stressful but fulfilling.

So one of the things I'm working on right now is not using food to buffer my feelings. (Buffer meaning avoid/escape/postpone dealing with.) It's not a brand-new practice for me, though it's been a long time since I've tried to process my emotions before sticking food in my mouth.

Today was a stressful day for me. I don't know if it was because it was Monday or because it was a busy weekend. I snapped at the kids as I worked to make lunches. I had a good walk with a friend, but then I feel like I had no patience for Brooklyn. All in all, I was just irritable.

This is life. It happens. Even if I'm eating 100% clean and sticking to my protocol, life is going to happen. Part of having a protocol is to make decisions about what to eat before I'm hungry. I am much more inclined to make healthy food choices when I am not starving.

My goal this week is to go from 270.2 to 265. This is a very manageable goal, but for whatever reason, I'm stuck on the idea that I won't lose any weight this week. I am trying hard to not let that thought manifest negatively in my life. I am praying and doing the things I need to do.

Bekah has caught on to the fact that I'm losing weight, even though I'm fairly certain I didn't even mention that I was trying to lose weight. I work so hard not to disparage myself in front of her, but somehow she knows.

She wanted to take pictures of me, so I let her. It's tough, because I see some definite transformation, but of course not as dramatic as I wanted it.

One way I'm combatting this kind of negative thinking is to list the non-scale goals I've had over the past few days. First, I had nothing sweet at Bunco on Saturday. This was huge. And I didn't get home from Bunco and fill my face with any food, either. I had one plate of food (that I didn't finish, this is starting to be a thing) and plenty of water. Other than that, nothing.

Second, I'm getting to small for my britches. That's kind of scale-related, but separate. I now own no pants that fit me well--either they are way too big or just a smidgen too small. I'm hoping by the end of October to be able to wear a pair of jeans I've not worn since spring of 2015.

Third, I am not angry or resentful about food. I am not silently cursing the plate of sweets for "calling" to me. I didn't feel one bit tempted by the Klondike bars my brother bought for my kiddos.

Lastly, I went shopping in my closet. I wore a shirt that I've not been able to wear for at least two years. This is huge!

My eyes are droopy and I have so much more I want to write, but it will have to wait.