I haven't published a blog post since last December, though I readily admit to having posted a number of long Facebook statuses. It feels good to be at the keyboard again. I am hoping to get back into a good writing rhythm now that the kids are back in school.
It has been a long day. It's 9 o'clock here and I'm already feeling pretty sleepy.
I have been working on a new food protocol (not my word). I started last week. I listened to a webinar by Brooke Castillo about weight loss. She had a lot of fascinating things to say.
As any of my faithful readers (the few of you that there are) know, I am not one to jump on a "diet" bandwagon. I've never eaten cabbage soup for days, eaten only while standing on my head or only things that fall naturally from the tree. So I'm typically pretty skeptical of any new ideas on how to view food.
That being said, over the years I have gleaned a lot of wisdom from different programs. My ears tend to perk up when I hear the same thing from multiple people. I feel like, if I'm hearing it from different people over a series of years, then there must be something to it.
Brooke's talk was another affirmation of things that I had previously heard.
My first foray into weight-loss (in any measurable way) was at Willow Creek in 99-00. I participated in the Weigh-Down Workshop, the brain child of Gwen Shamblin. It helped in a couple of ways. First, I began to realize that any eating plan that didn't include God's wisdom and strength was doomed. She was a huge proponent of eating only when you're physically hungry (go figure). She also asked that you eat only half of what was on your plate.
I liked the idea she espoused that talked about using food to fill a space meant for God to fill. That resonated with me. Eating when I'm physically hungry, (rather than on a predetermined schedule), yep, that makes sense as well.
Eating only half of the food on my plate was tough. I am a person who lends toward the compulsive and addictive. Why would one ever only eat half a donut? One wouldn't. (Unless one was late to get to the donuts a co-worker brought in and Dawn, who can eat whatever she wants, cut a donut in half and now that's the only one left. Nice going, Dawn. That was made up, but I hope you see what I was going for there.)
Eating sugar for me has always been tricky, so I might be able to leave half a piece of cake on my plate, but rest assured, I will be hiding under the dining room table, my fingers sticky as I finish off the nutty bar I just remembered is at the back of the pantry.
Lysa Terkeurst wrote a book entitled, "Made to Crave: God, not Food." She's anti-sugar. As someone who simultaneously loathes what sugar does for her body and loves what it does for her brain, I rebelled. Nope, I can't give it all up. Nope, just no. But she writes in a way that resonates with me and parallels what Ms. Shamblin had posited way back when. Ultimately, Ms. Terkeurst implores the reader to seek God, not food, when emotionally charged. This is a thing for me and so that resonates with me. But I don't want to have to actually pray and ask God for help, because you know, I've got this (as I lament only having one pair of jeans that kind of fit).
Over the past several years, another common thread I have heard is about how deadly sugar is. I mean, there are studies now that say sugar makes the brain react the same way cocaine does. This is not encouraging for someone who has battled with sugar her whole life. People are not usually casual cocaine users. It's just not how that works. When the dopamine is released in your brain, it's magical and electric and compelling.
So peanut butter.
When I was little, my mom worked for a short while and my brother and I were in daycare. I don't remember the name of the daycare or of the workers or any of my friends. I do, however, remember that for snacks before naptime, we would have toast with peanut butter and jelly. The peanut butter would melt a bit and it...was...heaven. Years later, PB&J has the same effect on me that it did back then. I feel comforted. I feel peaceful. I unwind.
Peanut butter, folks. Peanut butter.
And therein lies the rub. I don't think food should be responsible for how I'm feeling--good, bad or indifferent. Food was created to nourish my body. I have spent my whole life valuing food and valuing myself based on what foods I was eating.
The way I've started doing things (since Friday, so basically of course I'm an expert) is to only eat when I'm hungry (revolutionary, I know) and to stop eating when I'm only slightly full (yes, there are shades of full). If I am agitated or upset or feeling down or whatever, I'm supposed to talk about that. I am not supposed to use food to soothe or relax myself.
I am supposed to have come up with a plan for the rest of the week (but now I'm quite tired and my eyes are droopy). I will, after the kids have left for school, make a plan before I eat my first meal. I am supposed to account for everything that passes my lips (this is always a tricky one for me because I want to be perceived as a "good" girl, as doing things "right," when really it'st just an honest accounting of what I've put in my body.
It's kind of exhausting, but also liberating to not spend my whole day obsessed with what food will be next. Peanut butter is not on the approved list, but I also don't receive 50 lashes if I have some.
Stay tuned!! One thing I heard from the nutritionist Lysa Terkeurst featured on the accompanying videos to her book was that three weeks is a tough time. Most plans will have you losing weight, but its after three weeks that it gets tough and people plateau. My goal is to take one day at a time. I've committed to following this plan for two months. I promise to report if I accidentally gnaw off one my my feet.
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