Growing Pains

Today has been a rollercoaster of a day for me. I don't know that I woke up thinking I would get all the things done, but I had a couple of things I really wanted to do.

One of the hardest things about being a mom is having to change horses midstream. The level of activity I can or can't have is dictated by Brooklyn. Today, for example, she was clingy and whiny and clumsy. She wanted me to carry her everywhere. She wouldn't be redirected and wouldn't take no for an answer.

I have tried to roll with the punches, but there are some days when I am not feeling it. Today was that day. I wasn't expecting to clean the house from top to bottom, but I also didn't want to sit around all day looking at a mess.

Meanwhile, I am still learning and growing every single day. This does not come without some pain. I have been working very hard at stepping out of my comfort zone. God doesn't want me to be comfortable. He never promises me a life free from pain (emotional, physical, or mental).

I am working hard at being humble, which is to say I am seeking guidance and wisdom from Godly women and then asking God for the strength to put that into action in my life. I don't always like people's suggestions. I think about what Brooke Castillo says, that our brain likes to seek pleasure, avoid pain and be efficient (which is to say do nothing). I am fighting strong biology when I try to become more Christlike.

I am also still vulnerable to all-or-nothing thinking. After listening to the whining and complaining for the better part of the morning, a friend suggested that I take Brooklyn for a walk. I knew at that point in the morning, my normal 5 miles would screw up my schedule. I decided to take Scout and do two miles. The way it sounded in my brain, though, was "*just* two miles? really? okay, slacker."

Yeah, so I definitely am not 100% well. I probably ate about 5 bites too many at dinner and though that is far less than I used to eat, I still had to endure mental finger wagging from my inner voice.

All this being said, I feel very fulfilled today. I had one person ask me to be their accountability partner. I feel like that's high praise. I had another I was able to bless in a very tangible way. I don't say these things to toot my own horn, but rather to demonstrate what can happen when I live a life that is others-focused.

I love to encourage people, but I have also been bowled over by the amount of love, support and encouragement I have received. It is incredibly humbling to have people showering me with compliments. I am grateful that God has helped me have a glimpse of the person he's molding me into. Armed with that knowledge, I am able to graciously accept the compliments but pass the glory on to God.

And to the friend who sent me a picture of the ocean today, it was such a small thing but it was so amazing for me. A friend had traveled to L.A. and I texted her to ask her if she would send me a picture of the ocean. She happily obliged and though I felt silly for making the request, I am glad I did.