Ramble On

It has been a very long day today. I was up at 6:30 and didn’t stop moving until about 5 or 6 PM. 

I started off with one Wag! walk today. By 2, I had walked 5 dogs. I am sitting on a patio with today’s final client, Floyd the French Bulldog. I have been advised to keep my petting interactions short, as he can be a bit unpredictable around new people. 

I made an appointment with a friend for coffee. We both joked that we considered cancelling, which is really the mark of true friendship—neither of us really wanted to be in regular clothes out in public, but we made an exception for each other. 

More and more, 7:30 PM is late for me. I used to stay up pretty regularly until 1 or 2 AM. That was the norm more than it was an exception. I struggled with sleep apnea for years (unbeknownst to me). It meant I never really got restorative sleep. I would fall asleep just sitting on the couch. I would fall asleep driving. I’m not exaggerating, when I was pregnant with Brooklyn, I had to go to Park Ridge for a Level II ultrasound. Brian had to take me. I was not confident to make the 45-minute drive without nodding off behind the wheel. It was actually very scary to drive any more than 20 minutes away—I literally could not keep my eyes open. 

It’s been two years since I was fitted with a bipap machine. The structure of my throat, according to my pulmonologist, is not great. It’s likely I’ve had sleep apnea for years and just didn’t realize it. 

I was musing the other day about how different my life would’ve been had I received a diagnosis decades ago. I struggled in high school, as most kids do, to get up in the morning. Part of me wonders if that really was out of my control, if I was asking my body to do something it just wasn’t capable of doing. 

I feel like I missed a lot of life because I napped so much. It may or may not have contributed to my depression. It may or may not have contributed to my weight gain. 

In any case, the life I lead now means I am in bed by about 10 (if not sooner) and asleep before 11. I make plans based on how soon I can be in my pajamas, sitting on my couch. I used to close down parties. Now I’m typically one of the first to leave. 

My kids are early risers, with the exception of Doug (to no one’s surprise). By the grace of God, they are old enough now to fend for themselves in the mornings. When I get downstairs, the older two have already made themselves breakfast (usually waffles in the toaster). 

I don’t exactly know where I’m going with this, I’ll be honest. I was sweaty for about 80% of the day. Not a glistening sweat on the forehead, either. A full-on, sweat dripping down my back. The humidity here has been through the roof the past few days. The dogs I’ve been walking haven’t been too keen on staying out in it, either. It’s the same problem I had when it got crazy cold in the winter. 

I didn’t drink enough water because then I have to go to the bathroom. In most cases, I will use the restroom at the dog’s house. There’s always the chance, though, that the owner is home. Then I have to gauge how badly I need to go. I was so self-conscious today about how I looked and smelled. I didn’t feel okay going into someone’s house smelling worse than their dog. 

I also didn’t eat very well today. 11-2 is prime time for dog walking. At 1:45, I wolfed down two hard boiled eggs and drank some cold water. I ate dinner at 6:30. I am more tired than hungry right now. Tomorrow, I have no walks scheduled. That may change, but my hope is that I can eat lunch at a normal time of day. When I don’t eat, I get really squirrelly. And irritable. 

Again, I feel like all I’ve done is rambled today. I’m going to chalk it up to prolonged heat exposure. I am looking forward to getting a little more sleep and rest tomorrow.