Lazy Sunday

I enjoy Sundays and loathe Sundays. I am not ashamed to admit that I go to church so that I can have a break from my kids. I think Sunday worship can be a bit long, especially before full caffeination.

I am glad to see and greet friends on Sundays. I love my church and the people that attend it. It's comfortable to attend; I smile at people I'm glad to see but I don't feel like I need to be best friends with everyone.

There is a routine to our church visit. We are usually late, even when we serve. I never go to bed early enough and so my alarm and I have frequent disagreements about when I should wake up.

Once at church, we drop off the kids at TGA, our version of Sunday School. We are secretly glad when we see friends also just dropping off the kids.

Then it's all about finding a great seat. We've been favoring the balcony for several reasons. First, it's a little bit of exercise to get the blood flowing. This works to counteract the exhaustion and lack of caffeination.

Second, our small group-most members anyway-sit up there. That means we don't have to worry about shaking hands with complete strangers. I'm not unfriendly. I just hate the feeling of running into the same people I've greeted and completely forgetting their names.

Third, sitting in the balcony means we are not distracted by the three or four families that refuse to put their kids in TGA. I try not to judge, but that doesn't always work. So I sit upstairs and just don't see them.

Today was a bit unusual. My church recently remodeled and turned the one side of the sanctuary into a lounge area, replete with comfy couches. People who arrive late usually sit there. There was a small family sitting there today and I think they mistook it for home. The mom appeared to have just had a baby. There were two older boys and an older girl.

They didn't sit still for more than three minutes combined. The mom was understandably fidgety; having a newborn means almost constantly moving. I couldn't understand why the older kids were even in service; there is a ministry for them, too. They moved constantly. The daughter was lying on the couch at one point. The older boy was playing on his phone.

I listened to the sermon as I studied the frenzy of activity. I am not without sin; my pastor's wife ribbed me after the service for taking a turn in WWF. I try, though, to be discreet. My mom would never have stood for that level of activity during a sermon.

After the service is over, we retrieve our kids, have truncated conversations with friends who are doing the same. The hallway leading from the lobby to TGA is cramped, though, so we do our best not to hang out there. Bekah and Jeremy usually run through the jumble of people to find my parents.

Then starts the long and arduous journey to our van. We usually park about 300 feet away from the entrance. On good weeks, it takes us 5 minutes to reach it. Other weeks, the wailing and gnashing of teeth causes me to demand that Brian pull the van up.

Once home, it's lunch and then a nap. Sometimes it's just Doug and I napping. Other weeks, everyone is required to nap because of poor behavior.

I loathe Sundays because it's a lot of activity. This weekend in particular was chaotic. I was tired emotionally and physically and wanted nothing more than to pull the covers over my head and avoid the day. I don't have the energy to act like everything is okay. When there is a lot simmering under the surface, it's tough to not have that written all over my face.

I love my friends and I love connecting with them, but it can be emotionally taxing sometimes to make small talk. Sundays are never good for heart-to-hearts. There is too much else going on to do anything other than a brief check-in.

At the same time, I needed to process yesterday. It was a lot to handle at once. I find it tough to have a taxing Saturday because it typically means I won't process things until about Tuesday. I wanted a chance to ask a few people about things, but there isn't time for it.

I'm blogging even though I don't want to. That helps me process what happens, but my heart is still heavy. I am not sure how long it will take before I can untangle the latest set of emotions and conflict. I'm hoping it'll happen before next Sunday.