A Burden Lifted

I have not been blogging because I have been in a serious funk. That's probably when I need to blog the most, but c'est la vie. I am writing tonight because today has been a day filled with great news.

For those that don't know, we have been struggling financially for about 3 1/2 years. It's been an arduous journey trying to navigate our mortgage and other bills. We have had many setbacks and unexpected expenses that have threatened our very tenuous hold on things.

Several months ago, we applied for refuge under Illinois Hardest Hit. Initially it seemed like we would be approved; just before Thanksgiving, however, things hit a snag. We heard for sure at the beginning of December that we were approved. Unfortunately, communication from Wells Fargo has always been lacking. We were assigned a case manager toward the end of December but didn't hear from her until today.

The news is better than we could have imagined. Our mortgage is paid through May of this year. Our first mortgage payment is in June. This was, by far, some of the best news we've had in years. This means we can use our tax refund to pay off some medical bills that have been lurking. It means we can clear the books of outstanding debt so we can focus our full power on paying the mortgage.

I do not exaggerate when I say yesterday was probably the darkest day I've had in a while. In addition to this mess, we found out that the director of our children's preschool left unexpectedly in December. Most preschools do registration in January; this left no lead time to try and research other options. I was frazzled trying to figure out how/where/by what means we were going to send the kids to preschool. I am still adjusting to medicating Jeremy and it's been a time-management crunch to make sure he gets his full dose every day. It's my first week back to school with everyone and I'm frazzled trying to get everyone everywhere (and on time).

Well, Brian and I had a few conversations about what our course of action should be. Brian said that if the interim director would be staying for next year, we should keep the kids there. Lo and behold, a conversation with her today revealed that she will be staying there!! Problem solved--no need to tie myself in knots trying to find a new school.

Yesterday at BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) we learned more about Abram and his journey. God made him a promise--that he would bear a son and his offspring would be greater than the stars. Abram, though he was a strong man of God, experienced doubt. He knew that God was faithful but he was honest with God about his doubts. Beth (our lecturer) kept telling us; God never breaks his promises.

You can understand why, after this long and arduous journey, I have had my own numerous doubts. I have had reason to shake my fist at God, to gnash my teeth, to ask why. When I heard that message yesterday it was as if Beth was talking directly to me. Today, a mere 24 hours later, I have seen the fulfillment of God's promises. It really is amazing.

Do I think it's all going to be smooth sailing? Probably not. Life is life and we are humans living in a fallen world. I am so grateful, though, that even though my faith waned I never let the light completely extinguish.

The last bit of good news is about Doug. He had a really rough time gaining weight from the time he was born. He was classified as Failure to Thrive, had acid reflux and multiple ear infections (those last two contributed, I think, to his inability to gain weight). In October, at his 15-month well-baby check, he was in the 22nd percentile for his weight. Today, at his 18-month well-baby check, he was in the 74th percentile.

God is so good! You have no idea how many tears I shed worrying about Doug's weight!! I was so concerned that he just wasn't going to be able to bulk up and here, in the midst of the other promises being fulfilled, God decided to throw this one is as a bonus.

I am going to bed tonight feeling lighter than I have in months (even though the scale hasn't budged). I know God says we can leave our burdens at his feet; it's my fault for picking them back up all the time. These fulfilled promises taste so sweet and have filled me spiritually in a way I haven't felt for a long time. I know that God is the author of all good things and I praise him without end that He is faithful. And that He never breaks His promises.