I always love when comedians talk about their kids. It is, for me, the funniest part of their routine. I think kids are full of comic potential because they say whatever is on their mind. There is no filter. It is also the same for people over 65. It's like people after that age say, "screw it-I've gone long enough without speaking my mind."
My kids erupt with funny thoughts all the time. If I were more organized, I would keep a pad of paper with me at all times. I would write them down, maybe even frame them.
Tonight was a perfect example. We all sat down to dinner together. We frequently don't, simply because I'm not that together. Tonight, we set the kids up at their small table so Brian and I could sit together at the big table. (We're currently experiencing a chair shortage.)
I gave the kids strawberries until their dinner cooled down. I knew, before I served the pork chop, tater tots and broccoli, that Jeremy would eat the broccoli and turn his nose up at everything else. I knew Bekah would eat most of it, starting with the tots.
It started off fine, with them at their table, until they started sword-fighting with their forks. I was a little more long-suffering because I had a good nap. Brian, however, was not so patient. He gave a stern warning, then escalated with a threat of early bedtime.
The sword-fighting stopped, but there was still pushing and shoving. Finally, Brian issued the command to get ready for bed. We stayed the order to allow them both to have a drink; afterwards, it was all business.
Meanwhile, I had a hankering for brownies. I had mixed them up during the time I was serving dinner. I was waiting for the oven to cool, so they didn't manage to start baking until after dinner.
At this point, Jeremy and Bekah are in bed and the brownies are baking. Brian comes back downstairs, gets Doug, takes him upstairs. Brian and I then settle into our normal evening activity of watching TV.
Normally, after bedtime, there are a number of clanks, loud noises and exclamations involved in the kids going to bed. We've become accustomed to that and tonight was no exception. We shouted up at them a few times to get back in their room and they acquiesced.
I will digress a bit to say that both Brian and I worry about how often we lose our temper with our kids. We also remark that our kids don't understand when to stay away from us. When I was growing up, if my mom or dad lost it with me, I steered clear of them for quite a while.
Bekah and Jeremy? Yeah, not so much. Sometimes the words from my tirade are still hanging in the air as they ask, "mommy, can I have milk?" It's become quite a curiosity, honestly. Brian and I often shake our heads; we can't tell if it's a lack of awareness on their part or if they simply know we are all bark and no bite.
In any case, I felt we made it pretty clear tonight that they were to stay in their room. Imagine my surprise, then, when Jeremy came strolling around the corner asking, "mommy, are the brownies baked yet?"
It's one of those moments when you can't contain the laughter except through sheer willpower. I tried not to laugh too hard when answering, "no, they're not yet, but you're not having one." To which, he answered (without skipping a beat), "no, mommy, I'm not going to eat one, I just want to know if they're baked yet."
My conclusion? They're just crazy.
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