Phone Call Phobia

I have a crazy confession. I hate making phone calls. Not in the sense that it's an inconvenience or a burden, but I actually have an intense dislike of talking on the phone. I don't know where it came from. I am a gregarious, outgoing, extroverted human being. I will walk up to anyone and talk to them about just about anything.

I love texting, e-mailing, messaging on FB, etc. I like meeting for coffee, I will cook dinner for people, I will go for a walk with anyone.

It's just the telephone. I hate calling for take-out. On the rare occasions that we order food out, I don't make the phone call. I usually ask Brian to do it. If I have to make a call to someone I don't know, I put it off as long as possible. I absolutely fear the telephone.

I know it seems like I'm just ridiculous, but I'll try and explain myself. I like talking to people, but one of my biggest problems is that I over-read people. As I'm talking to people, if I see them glance away or glance at their watch, I get anxious. I try to wrap up the story I'm telling them. I try to bring them back into the conversation. I start overcompensating. It's interesting to watch from a distance, I'm sure. I must look like a crazy puppet being pulled by invisible strings.

I am an empath and it's a good and bad thing. I can relate to people well but it also makes me a people-pleaser and somewhat codependent.

On the phone, I can't read body language. I can't see whether or not a person has become disinterested. I struggle to hear what people are saying, either because of reception of the telephone or because I got distracted or both. I frequently interrupt people when I don't mean to, which I think comes off as arrogant or proud.

I almost always forget to ask people (initially) if they can talk. That has led to awkwardness when the person later informs me, mid-conversation, that they actually can't talk. Usually it's after I've been going on and on for 10 minutes. I end up feeling sheepish and ridiculous, even if the person on the other end is dismissive and apologetic themselves.

I am way too chatty for my own good. It can be endearing but it almost always ends up with me seeming like a spaz. It was one of the reasons I struggled to make and keep friends in high school. I talk when I'm nervous and I'm nervous most of the time.

This phone phobia has been a stumbling block for me. My work has suffered, both corporate and volunteer. I have developed a bad reputation for not calling people back. Ever. I will text, e-mail, Facebook, whatever, but I put off calling as long as possible. It's cost me friendships, it's caused me to lose effectiveness as a volunteer, it's just an awkward problem to have.

I'm not sure what I hope to accomplish by sharing this. I've shared all manner of humiliating and gut-wrenching things with my readers, so I'm just adding it to the pile.

I'd tell you all to call me and chat about it, but...let's just chat on Facebook instead.